Excused Absence: Surgery. Or a full-body cast. Otherwise you're pretty much on call all the time.
Downsize: When you finally fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans again.
Environmental Protection Compliance: A Diaper Genie and a can of Lysol.
Performance Review: Annually, in bed, on Mother's Day. You can tell you've done a good job by the homemade greeting cards, flowers, and what appear to be Froot Loops mixed with grapes and chocolate chips.
Equal Opportunity Policy: Everyone is given the opportunity to fold the laundry, but you're the only one who ever takes it.
Sick Day: Doing the same thing you do every day, only you feel worse than you normally do.
Multitasking: Emptying the dishwasher, filling sippy cups with apple juice, and calling your child in sick (again) to the school nurse--all at the same time.
Maternity Leave: The hour or so you get to yourself while the hospital nurses clean, weigh, and put that cute little pink or blue hat on your newborn.
Overtime: Most stay-at-home moms realize that there is no overtime in a job that never ends.
:)
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