First, you want to make sure you are wearing a skirt. The longer, the better, as this raises questions in many minds.
Next, you fill up your cart with toys and various items, until the value is equal to your tax refund check. Once you've reached that dollar amount, grab an ice-cream bar in consolation.
As you proceed to check-out, you wow the cashier with all your friendly remarks. Except...I forgot to mention- you also need to get a triple dose of Novacaine (numbing agent) for a cavity filling. This must be done within 3 hours prior to the DG visit or the full effect is lost. As you stand there and wonder if you're drooling again, you continue to chat as if though nothing is amiss. They may strain to understand you and ask you to repeat yourself, but ignore all these attempts of distraction and keep right on talking.
You may notice that the line has gone from one, patient man behind you, to 7 less patient people.
Feel free to smile and talk to them too, but don't make a scene.
The nice man behind you may likely ask you if you're hosting a birthday party. Answers may vary. I found that explaining my trip to Nicaragua makes for a very attentive audience.
As you find a way to open the door and push a cart through at the same time, be sure to wave to all the people who had to wait behind you.
The nice friendly man is likely going to follow you out to your vehicle and ask you for more details about your trip to Nicaragua. He may then walk away but stop to tell you he really likes your skirt. Smile, then quickly disappear.
Once the seatbelt is buckled, feel free to tear the ice-cream wrapper off. You might have to realize, once its too late, that your jaw is unable to open far enough to eat it normally. Another problem is that the tongue and cheek feel like foreign objects in your mouth and you bite and chew on those along with the ice-cream.
In the end, you realize it wasn't worth the pain.
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Now let me tell you about my trip to the dentist!
This is cavity number 3. Cavity number two was such a fast procedure that I scarcely knew what happened. This time proved to be different. My dentist gets his tools ready, then proceeds to jab me in the jaw in 3 different spots. I'm almost certain he went into my jawbone....... Next thing, we find ourselves chatting about my salivary gland surgeries and how to help those problems. As we're discussing the fact that I had multiple operations in my salivary glands, he asks me if my lip was affected at all (as he reaches out for a touch-test). I was in utter confusion, not knowing how salivary gland surgeries would affect my bottom lip. I finally shrug and say "I guess not..??"
Oh, he tells me. Well that means I didn't get the Novacaine in the right place b/c your lip should be numb by now. He refills the syringe then attacks me with the needle 4 more times. The after-taste is gut-wrenching awful, and my tongue is more numb than anything by now.
We chat about toothpaste next. Which is the best, which one to avoid and why. A few minutes later he asks about my lip and flips it a few times. The only thing going numb is my tongue...
He refills the syringe once more and proceeds to explain to me that the scar tissue in my mouth was not allowing him to reach the nerve he needed to numb. So this time, he explains, he is going to go by the side of my tooth, instead of the floor of my mouth. It may pinch a bit, he proclaims. Beautiful... as if the other times only tickled. Another 5 jabs with the needle and we're finally on the road to numbness.
On the way home, my face feels funny. I do a little self-examination and realize- not only is my cheek and bottom lip numb.... my whole left cheek, jaw, underneath my chin, all around my ear and up to my eye is numb. Oh yes, the tongue also.
Numb mouth and inability to open the jaw... how will I go on!
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